Alone... again

I think I wrote a lot about how people leave. I am suppose to get used to that. Maybe I have, but it is never easy. Sometimes people, who know or you think they know, how important they are to you stop giving a f*** about you. And life becomes even harder.
I try and be understanding. I mean, I know I am not something important or worth while, but it is always spectacular when someone wants to spend time with you. And you invest. Time, energy, love... and then they decide you are not worth their time anymore. It doesn't come as a surprise, but that still doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
And then you stand alone. Once again. Just hoping they will see you are worth their time. That you are worth to be in their life; that they might care.
Yeah like that ever happened...

Do you feel it?

I mean really??!! Do you? The first blow of spring wind that doesn't freeze your tush off and when you hear birds singing so loud that your ears almost hurt? When we become giddy with anticipation.

Oh yeas I am guessing that the deepest dark comes right before dawn! And even this year I wasn't disappointed! Now it is time to thrive. I know I know I am getting ahead of myself, but I haven't been this optimistic in ages! I know that there will be time for that secret road trip no one except me and co conspirator M. will know about. There will be time to grow whatever I want to grow. We will do a lot of good in the woods and babies will be born and jobs will be done, relationships will be concluded and new one will begin. Oh yeas. There is much to do this season.

Life is grand! No matter of the colour scheme. We have so much to accomplished and so much to feel. Even if its not all good but we experience it anyway and we learn. There are all kinds of people around us. A rich pallet of them. Some spoiled and need to be thrown out of our lives and some precious that still need tender care and those who are there to stay and make our lives oh so rich!

Thank you all my beautiful people! For sticking around, lending a hand and using my shoulder whenever needed. It makes all the difference. I am so proud to be one of you.

Oh yes! The spring is definitely here!

Today is the day for change!

Yesterday evening I was told that I always think that everybody and everyone is against me. I was completely shocked! This statement came form someone that is really dear to me and it triggered a complete blockade and an instant response "I am not like that!" I don't see myself as someone who always sees the bad side of things. On the contrary. I realise I am incredibly lucky! Instead of leaving the autopilot on and saying over and over again that I am not like that, I let emotions run through me. All the rejection, outrage, blame etc. I let everything run through me. I allowed myself to feel them, but I've also let them go. I did not blame the statement or the parson who said that. This was the kind of statement that, in the past, could trigger a fire in a moment, and the fire burned for a long time. But this time it sparked a change, but no fire.

The event was an eye opener. Among other things, it made me to look into the past. How many times have labels from outside defined us? That we are not worthy of love, that no one can live with us, we are unable to communicate, that we are resentful etc...

No matter what others speak about you, what matters is what you think about yourself! We can take them in consideration but all in all what really matters is what is in us. If people do not agree with the opinion we have of ourselves it is up to us to respond to that. Will we listen to our inner Goddess or will we listen to others? 

That defines the path you will take! Will we choose a path of growth and a path of being the best version of ourselves? 

In any case, it is important to listen to the surroundings, but only you honestly know who you are. It is imperative that we are honest with ourselves. You have to acknowledge you best as well as our weakest side. When we acknowledge and accept them only then we can grow.

Every day is an opportunity to grow. Every day there are new possibilities how to get one step closer to the goal. We are not meant to live our life in hiding, as a refugee of our own perception. We are here to live our lives as a Goddess's of our inner beauty that shine through and through!

Your responsibility is to create a better future for yourself! We both know it. And I know you can and WILL make it! Have a fantastic time growing!