Can you mourn things you never had? The never stolen kisses, dances never danced, adorations never acknowledged, touches never touched, meadow flowers never picked just for you? Can you miss things you never had? Babies you never gave birth to, family never acknowledging, partner never really loving? Can all this things create a hole in your soul with simply an absence of its existence? How do you mourn the things you never experienced, if it was never meant to be? If you are not deserving? What if your purpose of life is a reminder to other what will happen to them if they don't do their best? How do you handle that? How can you love, smile, dream or work knowing you are the worst case scenario personified?
There have been three other things on my mind lately...
When you don't expect support (as an defence mechanism) the enabler for others to not giving the support you really need?
When you are the understanding one, after all each plays the leading role in their life... when is my time? When will it be my time to be understood?
When did trying to do good became keeping busy and miserable? When did knowing/uderstanding became pain?
A lot of questions and not a lot of sense or answers. Just a lot of condemnation and pain. In fairy tales even the ogres get a chance. Unbelievably silly to seek some meaning in tales. I guess things just aren't meant to be.
